Finding My Way

I fell asleep to the thought "Can you help me Sister? I seem to have lost my way" looping in my mind. I visualized myself on a journey traveling up a mountainside trail that was filled with women, all seemingly holding some secret to help me find my way to happiness.  In my vision, I was desperate and scared, almost begging for the women to help me. 

When I woke up, I still had those words looping in my head.  "Can you help me Sister? I seem to have lost my way." But now the meaning of those words was completely different.  In my slumber, I untangled those words to realize that MY WAY is not a destination that I am searching for.  MY WAY is how I travel this journey.   I am not lost! I am not on the wrong trail! I was just looking at the wrong thing. 

I doesn't matter where I am today.  How I am living, what I am focusing on, and what I chose to be at this moment is what matters.  Things happen in this life that I can't control but I can control how I react to them.  And if I wish for things to be different, what I have the power to change is my reaction to my circumstances. 

On a side note, I also woke up thinking what a wonderful idea for a new tattoo:  FINDING MY WAY tattooed on my instep.  It would hold both meanings for me.  :-)

READY OR NOT, HERE IT COMES!!

READY OR NOT, HERE IT COMES!!

 

 

I have tried to start this blog for a long time; I HAVE started this blog before.  But each time, fear controlled me and I didn't allow myself to write from my sacred place. And what I have realized is that I haven't allowed me to be me.  The solution: Write from my sacred place and present it to a sacred place.

 

I have chosen to keep this blog private and chose the audience so that I can alleviate some of the fear for myself. I plan on being brutally honest here and exposing the part of myself that I hide from most people.  It is my selfish desire to heal myself but also to reach other people who share some of the same vulnerability that I have.  So many people have shared their vulnerability with me in this journey showing me that if your spirit has been damaged from your past, they only way to heal it is to open  it up, spill out the hurt and expose it to love.  As scary as that is, it is the only way for your spirit to become whole again. 

 

I would like to say that I am looking forward to 2013, that I think it is going to be my year. I would like to be shouting from the rooftops that I AM HERE! But I am not shouting, I am barely whispering but I am here.  I am growing and I am not stopping. I am on a journey that is leading me to myself.  I can not stop this journey anymore than I can stop breathing, for to stop would mean I am no longer me. 

 

The word I chose for 2013 is trust.  That seems to be the cornerstone to so many of my issues.  I want to learn to trust the Universe to be a loving and guiding force for me.  I want to learn to trust myself, my own voice to guide me to a place where I am safe and loved.  I want to learn to trust my partner in a realistic way that lets me connect with him in a deeper level.  And I want to regain the feeling that the world is a beautiful gift bestowed upon me that is mine just for the asking.

 

So 2013, get ready because here it comes!  I am taking this step into the unknown.  Fear is present but today it is not my northern star.  Today, my leading force is LOVE, love for myself, love for possibilities, love for my past and my future.  I am a force to be reckoned with so HOLD ON!!